Pain Juice! For The Life You Love To Hate!

Pain Juice! For The Life You Love To Hate!

It’s hard to give up the sheer pleasure and juice we get from negativity.


You mean we get off on our anger?

Get juiced from being a victim?

Get a rush from being offended?

Enjoy whining like Debbie downer?

And take pleasure in negativity?


Suffering, hatred, grieving, grudging or complaining about an owie, is the nectar of negativity, which feeds the ego.

Without its pain juice, the ego would die of thirst.

We get off on our pain.

If you could bottle pain juice, and put in on the market, it’d be a mega hit. Who needs energy drinks like Red Bull, when you could have negative energy drinks like Pain Juice? Someone should pitch the pain juicing business to the TV show Shark Tank.

I can almost hear the slogan now:

Pain Juice!

The negative energy drink!

For the life you love to hate!

Get off on it!

(Cue music. Enter announcer voice:)

Poor me, poor me, pour me a glass of grief, a shot of wallowing, or a pitcher of things to be offended about. Who needs a good bottle of wine, when you could have a bad case of whining?

Instead of getting hoped up, get hopped on hatred. Juice a Pint of Problems, or get off on a glass of our Woe Is Me Whiskey. Grab a six-pack of Bad Childhood and milk it till the blaming cows come home, on your way home, from the job you love to hate.

Critical Kool-Aid, and Judgment Juice are guaranteed to artificially make you feel better about yourself. Self-indulge with a Goblet of Guilt, or if you get off on being helpless, try a Victim Cocktail, made from the lamest excuses, and not my fault blame. And for the secretly insecure, try our Vanity Vodka in all of your Me, Me, Me Martinis.

But if you really want to pahhhdee, have a trashcan of our biggest seller, Fear Wapatuli! All fear comes as a set. We eliminate the guesswork out of which fears you get off on, and mix them all together into one big Fear Wapatuli Party! (Fear is also sold separately in a negative assortment of flavors, including anger, pride, worry, and self-loathing).

Pain juice!

For the life you love to hate!

Get off on it!

Dissatisfaction Guaranteed, or your money back:

PS: And don’t miss our double bubble unhappy hour, every Monday morning.


You only have to do one thing to rid yourself of negativity and raise your level of consciousness.

Surrender the secret juice you get from negativity.

Like a bad drug, kick the habit.

Don’t get off on it; Get off of it!

Look at it and let it go!

I can see the Pain Juice Company executives sitting in front of Congress now, like the tobacco companies did in the 90’s.

There’s no evidence that pain juice is addictive or bad for your mental health.

Then 20 years later:


Remove the storm clouds, and the sun shines through.

Remove the secret payoff you get from juicing negativity, and the love of who you are, will shine like the sun.

Why choose love potion over pain juice?

It’s an indisputable fact.

Love’s more fun!



  • by Bob Pankratz, post on | Reply

    Amen Jimmy,
    And the sugar free version: schadenfreude.😀

    • by , post on | Reply

      Hey Bob!
      I had to look up the word schadenfreude… [to derive pleasure from someone elses misfortune] Ugh! I pray that never happens. But as weird as it sounds, many of us take pleasure in our own pain… Double ugh! Thanks Bob!

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